Saturday, 5 November 2011

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...

Photo courtesy of Tumblr 

I have really been struggling with so many things. I just don't know how to push through and come out the other side. Always being strong is starting to get old, never just collapsing and giving in to what's going on. I'm not sure if its doing me any good just keeping on going. I hate feeling like I need to vent and whine, even though I know its healthier in than out I just can't bare feeling of being so pathetic and lost. 

So here it is:
I struggle to see the beauty of my post-baby body.

Its not that I don't believe I am attractive to others, I just don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I hate my stretch marks, my double chin, my thighs, the expanse of my arse, but most of all I despise my stomach. Don't get me wrong there are parts of my body I still love, I have glorious breasts, beautiful eyes, and I have learnt to adore my thick (now very long) wavy hair. I know that weight loss after pregnancy is a long and laborious process, doubly so because I had severe pre-eclampsia (HELLP syndrome) and had some serious swelling/water retention so the weight loss is made slower. I am just so sick of being patient, but I will once more be strong and pick myself up again. I am just worried that all this repression is starting to leave a serious dent in my mental state, and I hope things start getting better soon.

I miss the old me.

1 comment:

  1. :-( I did not see this post. I think it is mighty brave to post a picture of a part of yourself that you find less than perfect.

    One of the first things I said to D after meeting you was how incredible your legs looked. I remember thinking that you looked pretty damn impressive for having just made a brand new person. I don't think I'd look nearly as good. To be honest, I'm not even sure that my body would hope with the stresses involved.

    I miss my old body too.